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by Darklady
01/07/2004
The first time I had to say as I entered the
Adult Entertainment Expo's hall
was "Wow, look at the crowd!" The second thing I had to say as I entered
the Adult Entertainment Expo's hall was, "Wow, it's hot in here!" by which
I meant both that the temperature was unexpectedly high -- and that the
tradeshow floor was packed with industry talent. The carnival atmosphere
may have gone the way of the dinosaurs during Internext, but it's sure
alive and well at the Adult Entertainment Expo.
The lines to purchase or pick up badges were enormous -- and contained
plenty of celebrities, including bad boy pal Brian Surewood and plenty of
blonde starlets whose names I don't yet know. Later, many of those same
poor souls had to line up at the AVN booth to pick up their pre-arranged
AVN Awards tickets -- or beg for scraps. Fortunately, as an esteemed
member of the adult press, I was able to avoid the lines by going to the
press room. From there I hustled my bustle to the Bellini Room in order to
hear an early morning panel of industry experts hold forth on the topic of
Power, Trends, and Challenges of Adult Entertainment featuring my good
friend and Good Vibrations representative
Carol Queen, articulate adult
performer Nina Hartley, Video Team
president Christian Mann, veteran porn director John Leslie, Hustler
publisher Larry Flynt, and an assortment of adult product retailers. Tim
Connelly, my big boss at AVN. played
moderator and, within that capacity, told some super salacious personal
tales as he tied the various speakers' statements together while passing
the metaphorical speaking stick back and forth during the panel. Nothing
particularly groundbreaking was announced during the discussion, but it
was good and important for the audience to be reminded both that the
industry is thriving due to popular interest and enthusiasm -- and that
the government still has its collective head up its collective ass on this
subject. The fact that several Texas women have recently been arrested for
selling dildos and vibrators was a chilling reminder of this latter sad
fact. Apparently the country is more at risk from orgasmic women than from
terrorism. Go figure.
After this heady fare, it seemed only right to cruise the tradeshow floor
in search of familiar faces -- and bodies. There were plenty in
attendance. The crush of bodies was impressive even before the fans were
allowed into the convention and only got more impressive as the day
progressed. Unlike Internext, where small booths were the name of the
game, AEE is packed with big presences, big names, big booths, and plenty
of big boobs (often on tiny, tiny girls). Music blares from every corner
and camera flashes can leave you momentarily blind.
I found the Sin City booth right away since I wanted to say hello to Tina
Tyler, the company's new queen of PR. Since my first script has been
recently released on DVD (Unforgettable, directed by Bud Lee and
starring Shay Sweet and Randy Spears), we were both interested in talking
shop and just being sociable with one another. Alas, as is so often the
case, our attentions needed to be elsewhere and once we did finally get a
chance to have a moment together, someone else took that as an opportunity
to try to talk their shop with us. Better luck next time. Tyler's
dedication to her work and the girls she's promoting is impressive. A big
star in her own right, she has repeatedly turned down the opportunity to
be photographed by fans, instead urging them to focus on the company's
talented misses. Why, she even wore a blue turtleneck just to seem less
sexy. Didn't work, baby. Try one of Mason's burquas. She's not wearing
them for once. No wonder I didn't recognize her in the AVN booth.
Rodney Moore and I continued to
give one another that "do I even wanna go there?" look and
Rex Ryder regaled me with tales
of his newest co-Lifestyles
video ventures and the awesome party being held Friday night that I simply
must attend because his band will be playing. After he slipped me an
autographed VIP pass and we gossiped a wee bit about Skeeter Kerkove (all
good, of course), it was time for my boot heels to be walkin'. So much to
see, so much to see. I spied and introduced myself to
Joanna Jet, one of my favorite
tranny stars (and nominee for the first Best Transsexual Performer award)
and was delighted to learn that she'll be relocating from England to Los
Angeles. We discussed our mutual affection and admiration for Lena Ramon
and hugged goodbye as she became swamped with adoring fans. I tried to
chat with a performer at the Dane Productions booth but, frankly, found
her rapidly twitching eyes too distracting. Instead, I snapped a shot of
Mary Carey, Kick Ass Pictures' amazingly hyped blonde cutie with equally
impressive boobs and talked briefly about politics and how much I'd like
to discuss them more on my someday soon
YNOT radio show.
All of this was, of course, quite delightful -- but what I really like are
seeing my close friends and encountering freaky new people, places, and
things. For instance, I found Fabulous Furry Freak Brother look-alike and
AVN-nominated director Thomas Zupko descending the stairs to the bathroom
(as I was ascending them). Somehow this seems right in so many ways. We
agreed that some smoking and joking would be a great idea, exchanged
mutual congratulations and thanks for our work and parted, possible to
eventually smoke and joke and possibly not. You know how it goes. Ellen
Thompson, my freak sister in piercings, tattoos and other crimes against
propriety, was hanging out at the Evil Angel booth and introduced me to
New York's sexiest amateur video savant, Joe Gallant. Thank goodness he's
got two of his super-strange and sexually astonishing titles nominated
this year. How else would I have learned what a great kisser the Black
Mirror Productions entrepreneur was? Ultimately, the three of us wound up
learning that evening that Buttman is a bowling god, when the Evil Angel
crew and its associated freaksters took over several of lanes at The
Orleans. Asian Noir's visionary,
David Aaron Clark, joined us but pled bowling disability due to a
tragic war accident and chose instead to watch the insanity from a safe
distance.
Somehow bowling seemed only sensible given that earlier in the day I'd
received a copy of Asian XP Games (which have nothing to do with the
dreaded Microsoft operating system of similar name, I assure you). Steven
St. Criox and Mika Tan had staffed the Asiarotica booth earlier in the day
in order to promote the title, which features Asian women engaging in
pussy gymnastics that could only have been sanctioned in the gloriously
contradictory -- and yet strangely logical -- work of the Orient. Let's
face it, when you're looking forward to watching a DVD showing Japanese
gals blowing out candles with their pussies, throwing a 12-pound ball down
a waxed alley in order to knock over a set of innocent pins makes complete
sense. Perhaps that's one of the few times it does make sense, in fact.
Speaking of uniquely Asian inventions, one of my favorite booths this year
is unquestionably the TONY to MAC
booth, which features some of the most creative PVC vibrators Iíve ever
encountered. I walked away with an older model called, for no apparent
reason, "Gender," and will only say that it is both weird-looking and
highly effective.
There's more to tell, of course. There's always more to tell. But now it's
time to take a shower, slither into another vinyl dream from
XTC Leather of NY and head back
out onto the tradeshow floor to clock a few hundred more miles. If all
goes well (i.e., my feet cooperate with me) I'll even visit
Bondcon today. Tonight I'll have the
chance to decompress with some of the Las Vegas SM crowd -- and then
there's that command appearance at the Ibiza to hear Rex Ryder make
beautiful music. Ah, the pains I suffer in order to bring you the hot news
from the front line.
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